Our old tractor was getting, well... old. Not the wise, dependable kind of old like Aunt Ethel who bakes pies and remembers the war, but the kind of old that groans every time you try to start it and leaves mysterious puddles on the barn floor. So last summer, we started looking at new tractors. Then we looked at our bank account. And promptly stopped looking.
But this year, I got smart. I figured out how to use the same economic principles the U.S. government uses to get a free tractor. That’s right. Free. Tractor. And before you start questioning my sanity or checking for fumes in the barn, let me break it down for you:
Let’s say you want a $60,000 tractor. But instead, you choose a $30,000 tractor. Boom. You’ve saved $30,000. Apply that savings directly to the cost, and you’ve now paid nothing. Zero. Nada. Tractor = free.
But wait! It gets better. The dealer gave us a $10,200 trade-in for the old one. (Bless their hearts, they must not have actually started it.) Now, we also got a backhoe attachment for about $10,000. Which means, according to my math—and I checked twice—we are now owed $200.
Naturally, we expected the finance company to send us a thank-you note and maybe a nice fruit basket for helping stimulate the economy with such brilliance. Instead, they’re demanding we make monthly payments. Can you believe it? I even tried explaining the government-style math to them, complete with hand gestures and everything, but they just weren’t getting with the program. I may have to draw them a pie chart. Maybe with actual pie.
Anyway, I’m now applying the same economic model to future projects. That new $12,000 roof I need? If I just don’t get the $24,000 slate one I was never going to buy anyway, I’ve saved $12,000. Meaning the roof is already paid for. Technically, I should have $12,000 leftover to fund the matching chicken coop expansion.
I don’t know why everyone isn’t doing this. It’s genius. It’s foolproof. It’s… exactly how the government does it.
Only difference is, they have a printing press.
Budget Breakdown (a.k.a. How to Retire Rich on Barnyard Math):
Wanted Tractor: $60,000
Bought Tractor: $30,000
Instant savings: $30,000
Trade-In Value: +$10,200
Backhoe Attachment: -$10,000
Total Owed to Us: $200
Finance Company’s Opinion: Irrelevant. Clearly they don’t understand economics.
But wait, there’s more!
Order your Free Tractor Plan™ today and we’ll double your confusion at no extra cost! Operators are standing by to explain this exact system to your accountant, your spouse, and the poor kid at the bank who’s about to reconsider his life choices. But act now—because logic like this doesn’t come around often, and neither do interest-free financing options.
Call 1-800-GOV-MATH. That's 1-800-468-6284.
The Free Tractor Plan is not responsible for repossessions, financial audits, or hard stares from your spouse. Use with caution. Offer not valid anywhere sanity is still required.
7 comments:
I was hoping to use that government math myself.
So what color did ya get?
New toys especially free ones are a good thing.
The big orange one in the pic is the one we got, Kubotas only come in orange. We were so happy with our old Kubota that we just got an upgraded version. That's my 13 yr old granddaughter driving. We've already dug several stumps with the backhoe and moved a huge pile of wood chips with it. It has several nice features that the old one didn't have.
Sweet! That is so cool. Hugs, Bobbi Jo
If you figure out how to use that math, we need a new tractor also!
Need step by step instructions.
Well if the finance company cant understand simple math then I suggest you simply write 'Paid in Full, any future correspondence should go thru the Secretary of the Treasury' across the face of the next bill they send you. Let the Treasury take care of those small bills. Thats their job and they can pay it out of the $50trillion trust we are all issued at birth when we receive our Government Name on our birth certificate.
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