Wednesday, August 31, 2011

All Hail BK, the Goat God

Let me introduce you to BK—a shaggy redheaded mini donkey with oversized ears and a face like he just got caught chewing on something he shouldn’t. You might assume his name stands for something like “Barnyard King” or “Big Kicker.” But no—his full name is Barack Kirby, and yes, there’s a story behind it. Because of course there is.

Jim, in one of his finer moments of comedy, suggested we name our new miniature donkey Barack. As in “Yes-we-can” Barack. I suggested we not insult the donkey like that. The poor thing already had to share a pen with three baby goats, and if you’ve ever had baby goats, you know that’s a sentence in itself. My daughter, granddaughter, and I preferred Kirby—charming, harmless, emotionally stable. So we did what all mature families do: ignored Jim and called it a compromise. His official name? Barack Kirby. But around here, we just say BK, because frankly, I have standards.

BK is five months old, which puts him squarely in the “awkward middle school boy” phase of donkey life—all legs, zero grace, full of opinions. He’s small, stubborn, and currently convinced that electric fencing is just licorice with a kick.

The grand plan (oh, how we love our grand plans) was for BK to be a pasture companion for our horse, Talon. We imagined them galloping through dewy meadows like a Hallmark movie come to life. But as usual, the farm laughed in our faces and rewrote the script.

The goats took one look at BK and immediately decided he was their personal savior. Their messiah. Their four-legged prophet of hay and hope. Wherever he went, they followed. If he sniffed a fence post, they’d form a worship circle. If he lay down for a nap, they’d flop around him like loyal cultists attending a barnyard meditation retreat. “We’re doing downward goat now. Breathe in the hay. Exhale the bleats.”

He became their Donkey Deity—the Goat God. I was no longer their trusted chaperone. BK was. They went where he went. Ate what he ate. Tried to scale what he scaled. (Which, for the record, now includes a hay bale, a chicken roost, and my wheelbarrow.)

Naturally, Talon, my Gypsy Cob, wanted nothing to do with any of it. Anytime a goat tiptoed into his pasture, he’d go full grumpy-old-man mode and chase them back to the barn like they were trying to sell him extended warranty coverage. My hopes for a cross-species bromance were fading fast.

But then fate stepped in. We went away overnight—just one night—and came back to find Talon not where we left him. He was in the goat pasture. Grazing. Hanging out. No trampling. No screaming. No ritualistic donkey worship. Just quiet harmony, like they’d all gathered for brunch and decided to stay.

The gate was latched. The fence was fine. Unless Talon grew thumbs and figured out how to unlatch gates—or tunneled in like an equine version of Andy Dufresne—we may never know how he got there. But there he was, standing peacefully among his former enemies like they were discussing stock tips and debating whether alfalfa or orchard grass makes a better brunch.

So maybe I should’ve just trusted the process. Maybe goats and horses can get along. Maybe BK really is the bridge between species. Or maybe—and this feels more accurate—I should stop trying to micromanage barnyard politics and just let the animals do what animals do.

Because here’s what I’ve learned: On a farm, plans are fragile. Fences are suggestions. And sometimes peace looks like a horse, a donkey, and three baby goats standing together in the grass, proving once again that I am not in charge around here.

Also, you can never trust a redhead with hooves. Especially one named BK.





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Monday, August 29, 2011

He's Here!

That handsome redhead in the back? That’s BK. And yes, there’s a story behind the name—because when isn’t there?

See, DH thought it would be hilarious to name the donkey Barack. I, on the other hand, thought it would be a tragedy. A five-alarm insult to the intelligence of an innocent animal who has, thus far, done nothing to deserve such a burden. I mean, the poor thing already has to live with goats—why add insult to indignity?

Now, my daughter, granddaughter, and I? We’re a little more sentimental. We wanted to name him Kirby, after a favorite character from a movie who, incidentally, is charming, lovable, and not at all interested in running the country or carrying the weight of political debates on his fuzzy little back.

So we compromised—and by that I mean I ignored DH and declared my side the winner. He is officially Barack Kirby, or BK for short. I just call him BK. Because again, I have standards.

BK is a 5-month-old miniature donkey, which basically means he’s got all the stubbornness and attitude of a full-size donkey, packed into a pocket-sized frame. He’s currently in the “awkward middle school” phase of donkey-hood, complete with gangly legs, endless curiosity, and zero awareness of personal space.

Right now, he’s bunking with three goat kids who have already taught him how to scale furniture (donkeys are surprisingly agile when peer-pressured), and two Great Pyrenees livestock guardian dogs who’ve taken it upon themselves to teach him barn etiquette—namely: don’t eat the chickens’ snacks and don’t pee in the communal water bucket.

Eventually, he’ll graduate to pasture-mate status with the horse. That is, once he gets a little bigger, a little bolder, and stops trying to chew on the electric fence like it’s a Twizzler.

For now, he’s learning the ropes, making friends, and providing plenty of blog material—because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this:

You can never trust a redhead with hooves. Especially one with a name like BK.

Stay tuned.

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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Pin The Name On The Donkey

Well, it’s finally happened. DH has been yammering on for years about wanting a mini donkey, and I—being the kind-hearted, practical, and occasionally slightly off-my-rocker farm wife that I am—finally caved. Mostly because I found one that didn’t come with a price tag that required an organ donation or signing over the deed to the house.

Meet our newest addition (pictured in front), a baby mini donkey. And yes, he’s just as soft, fuzzy, and ridiculously adorable in person. Most of the mini donkeys I’ve come across were priced higher than a full-sized horse, which is insane when you realize you’re basically buying a furry, braying lawn ornament with an attitude.

But this little guy? This one was fate. Or Craigslist. Either way.

Now, as with any new addition to the farm, integration is key. He’s still a baby, so he’ll grow up alongside our LGDs and hopefully learn they’re part of the team, not intruders who need to be launched into the next time zone with a swift double-hoofed boot. Fingers crossed he extends the same courtesy to the goats, the chickens, and anything else that happens to wander too close. Including me.

Eventually, he’ll be pastured with Talon, who is either going to love having a buddy or throw a dramatic tantrum like a spoiled prom queen who has to share her limo. But hey, that’s farm life.

Now, here’s where you come in. We need a name.

Jim, in all his wisdom and subtlety, suggested Barack. And while I appreciate the clever political pun, I’d like to think this donkey has slightly higher cognitive functioning than your average bureaucrat. No offense to my liberal friends—okay, slight offense—but come on, this little guy deserves better. Or at least something that doesn’t start political arguments over the breakfast table.

So I’m opening the floor. What do we name him?

Here are a few early contenders, just to get the ball rolling:

  • Eeyore – Obvious. Maybe too obvious.

  • Burrito – Because he’s small, wrapped in fluff, and occasionally spicy.

  • Festus – Because he already looks like he’s been living on the frontier for 40 years.

  • Sir Hee-Haw-A-Lot – For when we want the neighbors to think we’ve gone completely off the rails.

  • Deputy Dawdle – For his very slow, very deliberate stroll across the yard this morning.

  • NotBarack – Because I’m petty like that.

Leave your name ideas in the comments or shoot me a message. If we pick your suggestion, you’ll win…well, absolutely nothing except bragging rights and my eternal gratitude. And maybe a shoutout in the next blog post.

Let the naming games begin!

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Monday, August 1, 2011

Coming to a Farm Near You

The U.S. Department of Transportation has proposed a rule to reclassify all farm equipment as commercial vehicles. This proposed change would mean that anyone operating any piece of motorized farm equipment would have to have a CDL (commercial driver's licence), with all the resultant schooling, expensive licensing and insurance, and record keeping that those who drive 18 wheelers have. It would also mean that farm workers, from the farmer's 14 yr old kid who helps with baling hay, to the elderly farmer who no longer drives on public roads, could no longer operate farm equipment, even on their own property. Now just to be fair, the DOT is holding public hearings on this matter until today, August 1. But in my experience this really means they're going to do what they want but want to give the impression that they're listening to input from affected parties. However, just last week, a DOT opinion piece closed with this statement:

"Everyone in this Administration - from President Obama, Vice President Biden, and Secretary LaHood on down - is committed to the long-term success of America's agricultural industry. In many ways, agriculture is the backbone of our economy - feeding hundreds of millions of Americans and billions more around the world. As the largest user of freight transportation in the nation, the agricultural industry is also one of USDOT's most important constituents. We hope that this comment period is the start of a new and productive relationship. We may not ultimately agree on every issue, but we will always listen - and do our best to help America's farmers succeed."

If this is helping farmers to succeed I'd hate to see what damage they could do if they were actually TRYING to hurt us. It is up to not only every farmer, from those with backyard gardens to those who make it their livelihood, as well as everyone who eats, to oppose this. If you think this doesn't affect you because you don't own any farm equipment, wait till the increase in costs is reflected in the increase in prices at the grocery store. To make a comment to the DOT, visit www.regulations.gov. Follow the instructions for submitting comments on the Federal electronic docket site. Or you can fax your comments to 1-202-493-2251. To read more about this proposed legislation see http://www.theblaze.com/stories/agenda-21-update-family-farms-are-under-attack/

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