Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Official Recall Notice

The Maker of all human beings, G.O.D. (Great Omnipotent Deity), has recalled all units manufactured to date, regardless of make or year, due to the post manufacturing development of serious defects in primary and central heart component.

These malfunctions occurred first in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defects in all subsequent units. These defects have all been categorized under the technical term "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," most commonly known by the acronym: S.I.N.

Some of the commonly seen symptoms include:
1. Disobedience
2. Loss of direction
3. Foul vocal emissions
4. Amnesia of origin
5. Lack of peace and joy
6. Selfish or violent behavior
7. Depression or confusion in the mental component
8. Fearfulness
9. Idolatry
10. Rebellion
11. Extreme desires to acquire or possess things

Please note that the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service to correct this defect, and it is being covered completely free of charge! Technician in charge of repair services, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden and staggering cost of these repairs, and there is no additional fee required.

The number to call in all areas for this repair service is simply: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Upon connection when prompted, please upload your defect (burden) of SIN through the specified REPENTANCE procedure. Next, select and download ATONEMENT as provided by the Repair Technician, JESUS, and it will be automatically injected into the heart component.

No matter how small, or how big the SIN defect has become in any particular unit, JESUS will replace it with (in varying measures according to the need of the defective unit):

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

After repairs have been completed, please see the Operation Manual, a.k.a. the Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E.) for further details on the continued use of these new components.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without the above fixes voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human unit being permanently impounded (see under DANGER below).

DANGER: All human being units not responding to this recall action will, of necessity, be impounded and eventually scrapped in the Gehenna yard. The S.I.N. defect must be repaired, since no unrepaired unit can be permitted to enter the Heavenly environment in order to prevent contamination of that facility (as outlined by Maker in B.I.B.L.E.). So for free emergency service, give JESUS a call right away.

Thank you in advance for your personal attention to this!
- G.O.D. (the Maker)

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice. You may also, at any time, contact the Maker by 'knee mail'.

8 comments:

Mount Belly Mama said...

That was pretty awesome... gave me a good chuckle.

If you get a chance, will come by my page and let me know if it's working. If not, email me at janellesjunk@centurytel.net.

thank you!

Parsley said...

That's pretty good. I think I've seen it before and it still makes me smile.

Caroline in NH said...

Love this! Can I repost with attribution? I'll link back to you with the attribution, of course.

Andrea said...

Terrific advice.
Thanks for the comment at by blog.
I'll be thinking of you doing chores in hip-waders. My hens have all but stopped going out side because of this wetness. Have a great weekend!!!

grammy said...

That was very good. worthy of a serman. Did you write it yourself? I especially liked, amnesia of origin. Very true and very good writing. (o:

Shellmo said...

This was great! I know some people that need to read this!! (Namely my husband's psycho - evil ex-wife! LOL!)

Nature Lovin' Super Mama said...

Okay Sandy that was incrediable! I totally love that you had the courage to speak out...I am one that hides these feelings! Love that you are so honest, and the parellism is great!
NLSM

Sandy@American Way Farm said...

Although I wish I could take credit for this piece, unfortunately I didn't write it. It was sent to me as a forwarded e-mail so I have no clue who the author is. But whoever it is, thanks. And you know who you are.