The Maker of all human beings, G.O.D. (Great Omnipotent Deity), has recalled all units manufactured to date, regardless of make or year, due to the post manufacturing development of serious defects in primary and central heart component.
These malfunctions occurred first in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defects in all subsequent units. These defects have all been categorized under the technical term "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," most commonly known by the acronym: S.I.N.
Some of the commonly seen symptoms include:
2. Loss of direction
3. Foul vocal emissions
4. Amnesia of origin
5. Lack of peace and joy
6. Selfish or violent behavior
7. Depression or confusion in the mental component
11. Extreme desires to acquire or possess things
Please note that the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service to correct this defect, and it is being covered completely free of charge! Technician in charge of repair services, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden and staggering cost of these repairs, and there is no additional fee required.
The number to call in all areas for this repair service is simply: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Upon connection when prompted, please upload your defect (burden) of SIN through the specified REPENTANCE procedure. Next, select and download ATONEMENT as provided by the Repair Technician, JESUS, and it will be automatically injected into the heart component.
No matter how small, or how big the SIN defect has become in any particular unit, JESUS will replace it with (in varying measures according to the need of the defective unit):
9. Self control
After repairs have been completed, please see the Operation Manual, a.k.a. the Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E.) for further details on the continued use of these new components.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without the above fixes voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately result in the human unit being permanently impounded (see under DANGER below).
DANGER: All human being units not responding to this recall action will, of necessity, be impounded and eventually scrapped in the Gehenna yard. The S.I.N. defect must be repaired, since no unrepaired unit can be permitted to enter the Heavenly environment in order to prevent contamination of that facility (as outlined by Maker in B.I.B.L.E.). So for free emergency service, give JESUS a call right away.
Thank you in advance for your personal attention to this!
- G.O.D. (the Maker)
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice. You may also, at any time, contact the Maker by 'knee mail'.